I didn’t hear the soft cries or see the restless nights. I didn’t feel the pain of the needle constantly tugging at your soft porcelain skin. I didn’t touch your beautiful black hair growing thinner by the second. Playing in a sweet dream only to be awoken by a self-absorbed monster. The worst kind of all. The one that floods your mind and tests your will beyond imaginable. He blind-sided everyone. He snuck up in the night when no one could protect you. He fed on your vulnerabilities and played them against you. That monster’s name was Leukemia.
Every day you put on such a brave face, thinking this was the norm. This was your best life, as you were seldom caught not smiling. But you didn’t understand, really. You were only 3.
To think you are capsulated in my mind as a little girl when you should be a full grown adult with a life and a family perplexes me. Who would you be? A mathematician? You always did like playing with those number books. Maybe an astronaut? Remember the feeling of being picked up off the ground? Didn’t you love that?
Do you think you would have been a mother? I have a feeling you would have been a great one. Sometimes I imagine where we would be. I can see us sitting on a beach overlooking the waves going in and out. No words would be needed to capture this moment, our moment. We start talking about what it would be like to live underwater. Laughing the night away, I realize my favorite thing about you is the way your eyes crease when you smile. It looks just like mine.
I know I don’t know you, yet I feel this connection. I envision these moments. Maybe it’s because while I watched you from heaven, you’re watching over me now. We’ve been each others’ beacon of light for a long time now.
I wish I could have known you, though sometimes I feel like I do.
Affectionately called 'the love letter', Elizabeth speaks to her aunt decades after her passing. Though she has only heard stories through her family members, she feels as though she knows Lori personally.
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